Ultimate collection of Jokes

Fake Friends – Never ask for food..
Real Friends – Are the reason you have NO food!
Fake Friends – Call your parents Mr. / Mrs.
Real Friends – Call your parents Dad / Mom
Fake Friends – Never have seen you cry..
Real Friends – Cry with you
Fake Friends – Borrow your stuff for a few days, then give it back
Real Friends – Keep your stuff so long, they forget it’;s yours!
Fake Friends – Know a few things about you..
Real Friends – Could write a book about you
Fake Friends – Would knock on your front door..
Real Friends – Walk right in and say
“I’;m home!”
Fake Friends – Will help you up when you fall over
Real Friends – Will jump on top of you and shout “dog pile!”
Fake Friends – Are around for a while..
Real Friends – Are for life
Fake Friends – Say “like you” in a joking manner
Real Friends – say “I like you” and they mean it
Fake Friends – will read this.
Real Friends – will share this                      Send itto 6 real friends..send  it to me if I am one!!!
?Who are the 18 Friends u cant forget
in ur life ever?
Msg only to those 18 just like i did.
Lets see how many msgs u get back!
Start sending,
Be honest!
Only 18
I value u.
A tight hug 4u in advance…2mrw is world Frndz hug Day.4wrd dis msg 2 special frndz.(even me if u think i m 1)….U R seriously luved by sum1 if u get back 5….

Killer shayaris…….
Using ur brain is strictly & very strictly prohibited..

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. 

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘;$10,000 per call’;.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and
He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. 

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
He Could talk to God.

‘; O.K., thank you,’; said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France …

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘;$10,000 Per call’; sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there
Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read

‘;One
Rupee per call.’;

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
‘;Father, I’;ve traveled all over World and I’;ve seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I’;m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?’;

Readers, it is your turn…….. Think …..before you scroll down…

………….. ……… ……… ………. ………… ……

………….. ………. ……… ……… ……….. ……

The priest smiled and answered, ‘;You’;re in India now, Son – it’;s a Local Call’;.
This is the only heaven on the Earth.

KEEP SMILING

If you are proud to be an Indian pass this on!!!

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DUKHI GHAZAL :

Ek Ajeeb Si Halat Hai Tere Jane Ke Baad ,
Bhuk Hi Nahi Lagti Khana Khane Ke Baad

Mere Paas 8 Samose The, Jo Mene Kha Liye
1 Tere Aane Se Pehle 7 Tere Jane Ke Baad

Neend Hi Nahi Aati Mujhe Sone Ke Baad
Nazar Kuch Nahi Aata Aankhen Band hone Ke Baad

Doctor Se Jo Pucha Iska Elaaj, Dekar 4 Tablets, Bola.
Kha Lena 2 Jagne Se Pehle, 2 sone ke baad…
Gaur farmaaiye 

Arz Kiya-
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?

Kisi ne  kaha-“Aap shayari to shuru kijiye
itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge”. 

For the very first time . . English Shaayari
Purely Scientific……

When U Breathe, U Respire.
Wah wah
When U Breathe, U Respire !
Wah wah kya baat hai
When u Don’;t Breathe,
U Expire.
Subhanallah 
Maar hi daala…

Arz hai-
roz roz weight napkar kya karna hai,
ek din to sabne marna hai
char din ki h zindagi,
kha lo jee bhar ke,
agle janam to phir 3 kilo se hi start karna hai.

Killer shayari :
1. Arz kiya hai..
LIC wale bhi ghazab dhate hai
Wah wah
LIC wale bhi  ghazab dhate hai
Logon ki biwiyon ke paas ghanton baithke
Unke husband ke Marne ke fayde batate hai

Kavi ka beta school mein.
Teacher: what is a noun?
Student: Arz kiya hai..
Kutta bhi Hota hai  apni gali mein king
Wah wah
Noun is the name of any Person, Place or Thing

Deadly sher on Superman:
Arz kiya hai…
Ye man bahut hi Super hai
Wah wah..
Ye man bahut hi super hai
Is liye to iski chaddi pant ke upar hai  

Kabhi tum gor se dekho aaina
Wah wah
Kabhi tum gor se dekho aaina
Khud hi hanskar kahoge
Made in China
Made in China

Arz kiya hai
ACP ne laash se poocha ‘;khoon kisne kiya batao’;
Wah wah..
ACP ne laash se poocha’; khoon kisne kiya batao’;
Laash ne hanskar kaha ‘; Melody khao khud jaan jao’;

Basaaj ke liye itna hi..

************************************************8

Zindagi matlab kya.. ?

“Ek dhundli si shaam, 4 dost. 4 Cup chai, 1 Table..”:)
.

.
Zindagi…mtlb kya..?
“1 innova car, 7 dost, aur 1 khula lamba pahadi Raasta”

.
Zindagi…mtlb kya.?
“1 dost ka ghar, Halki si Baarish, aur dher saari baatein..:)

.
Zindagi…mtlb kya..?
“school ke dost, Bunk Kiya hua
Lecture, 1 kachori, 2 samose aur bill par hone wala jhagda… :p

.
Zindagi…mtlb kya…?
“Phone uthate hi pdhne wali dost ki mithi se gaali, aur Sorry kehne par 1 aur gaali” :p

.
Zindagi…mtlb kya..?
“Kuch saalon baad, Aachanak purane dost ka 1 sms, Dhundli padi kuch bhigi yadein aur Ankho me aaye aansu. :’;(
We make many friends,

Some become Dearest,

Some become Special,

Some We Fall in Love with,

Some go Abroad,

Some change their cities,

Some Leave us 

We Leave some,

Some are in contact,

Some are not in contact

N Some don’;t contact

because of their ego,

We don’;t contact some 

because of our ego, 

Wherever they are,

However they are,

We still remember,
Love,
Miss, 
N Care 

about them because of the part they played,  in our life.

Send this to all ur friends..

no matter how often you talk or how close you are

Let old friends know you haven’;t forgotten them 

& tell new friends you will never forget them

Cheers To friendship
             

          


Friendship is really awesome guyzz ..

*************************************************

ये चुटकुला बनाने वाले को 21 तोपो की सलामी

संता- डाक्टर साहब दस्त ने बेहाल कर रखा है

डाक्टर-कितना पतला आता है?

संतंा- समझ लो कि आप उस से कुल्ला कर सकते हो । 

दहशतगर्दी इस से ज़्यादा अब और क्या होगी ग़ालिब
..
.
.
.
संडास के लोटे में कोई दरिंदा लाल मिर्च डाल गया!! 

************************************************

Bilkul Latest sidha Hospital se  ………..

1 aadmi boat se kahi ja raha tha.

Achanak se zor se hawa chali aur uski boat palat gayi.

Usey swimming nahi
aati thi.

Woh prarthana karne laga
“Bhagwan, agar mujhe bacha liya toh me garibo me 21 kilo laddu batunga.!”

Fir zor se hawa chali aur ek badi si leher usey zamin pe le gayi.

Woh khada hua, aur haste hue upar dekh ke bola, “Haha, kaise laddu, kaunse laddu..?”

Fir zor se hawa chali aur ek badi leher ne usey wapis pani me kheech liya.

Vo banda fir chilla ke bola, “Matlab main puch raha tha besan k
ya boondi ke..?

*****************************************************

A Lawyer was not getting any cases even after two years of his practice so he decided to opened a clinic & wrote
outside the clinic:
Any treatment in Rs.300/- & if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.

A CLEVER Doctor thought he will make the Lawyer fool and comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.

He says to the Lawyer :
I cant feel any taste on my tongue…

Lawyer asks the Nurse to put few
drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: “What d _____ …its URINE!!
The Lawyer says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.

The CLEVER Doctor was angry as he lost Rs.300.

After 2 weeks the same doctor comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
CLEVER Doctor :  I’;ve lost my memory.
Lawyer : Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
C. DOCTOR : Wait but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Lawyer : Congratulations your memory is back.

Moral: Don’;t try to be over-smart with Lawyers… 

********************************************************

Jokes

Posted by Abhishek in Short Story On August 24, 2014

Co-pilot was welcoming
the passengers on a plane
shortly after take off :

Thank u for flying with us
this morning. The weather is..
Then suddenly he
starts screaming while he is
still on the loud speakers ..
Oh my God. OMG! OMG !
This is going to hurt
.. Its burning !

A ghostly Silence reigned
He gets back on the mike
talking to the passengers :
I sincerely apologise
for the incident but the
air hostess just dropped
a very hot cup of coffee
on my lap…u should see
my pants from the front !

One passenger replies :
Y don’t you come here & C
Our PANTS FROM BEHIND !

********************************************

Jokes

Posted by Abhishek in Short Story On August 24, 2014

Co-pilot was welcoming
the passengers on a plane
shortly after take off :

Thank u for flying with us
this morning. The weather is..
Then suddenly he
starts screaming while he is
still on the loud speakers ..
Oh my God. OMG! OMG !
This is going to hurt
.. Its burning !

A ghostly Silence reigned
He gets back on the mike
talking to the passengers :
I sincerely apologise
for the incident but the
air hostess just dropped
a very hot cup of coffee
on my lap…u should see
my pants from the front !

One passenger replies :
Y don’t you come here & C
Our PANTS FROM BEHIND !